Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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