we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
