just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
