his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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