Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize