Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My feet surprised me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
