Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My balls are so social today.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
