when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
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Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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