The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
soo... how was my night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
