Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
