oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
