unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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