so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
