He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
His nipple licking is glorious
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