I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
