you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
