You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
