For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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