Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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