Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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