I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
