I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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