i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
