You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
