I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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