I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize