today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
