i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
