i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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