brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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