He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
