I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
