I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
