girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
