the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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