Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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