Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize