went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
