Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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