Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
