Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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