I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
