why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm at about main and main street
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
