Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
