I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
