you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
