so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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