yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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