so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
