Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
