My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
