If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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