the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
