We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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