last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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