And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
