Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize