Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
