oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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