Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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