Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm at about main and main street
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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