Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We got so high we made milksteak
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
